Summer is here, and in some families, this means at home all day with you.

It can happen in a blink of an eye or a slap to the face. You didn't mean to get there — to that point of raising your hand to them. You didn't mean for the kids to drive you nuts. You are screaming at them, belittling them, and making them long for that same safety you didn't have when you were a kid. But here you are on the brink.

Where do you go now?

Perhaps you can even hear yourself saying things that were said to you. You can even remember how bad those things made you feel yet something in you feels powerless to stop what is within you from coming out.

You do have the power to control what's naturally a part of you and your history. Not turning into the abuser you were nurtured to become is extremely hard work. An adult, who grew up in a severely abusive home, says,

"You often don't really know instinctively what's the proper behavior, but you know what the bad looks like and you program yourself to do the opposite of what was done to you."

There are signs, like any other disease, that you may be heading in the direction of being abusive. Heed those warning signs.

Triggers of Exhaustion

For those of us raised in abusive homes, there are triggers that can get us to that edge rather quickly. Exhaustion is a big one. Know when you are tired and need to rest, and then find a way to rest. The more stressed out you are, the more likely you are to take it out on your kids.

Patterns of Interaction

It's tempting to interact with our kids on whatever snarky level they are interacting with us. Be the parent and rise above the snark. Set the example by being calm, cool, and collected. Don't let them get away with talking to you badly. Set a standard for behavior. Get into the habit of never name calling no matter how natural it could flow from your tongue. Ban words from your home that aren't necessarily swear words but aren't nice, like 'stupid' or 'dumb.'

Anger and Urges

We've all wanted to reach into the back seat and slap kids into quiet submission, but that is striking out in anger. Go ahead and admit to yourself that you wanted to hit your child and that you have urges to do so. Admit it to yourself, your partner, and a trusted friend. If you can admit it to yourself you can let go of some of the anger and frustration and channel it into something else. You can even explain to your children how you are feeling, being as honest as you feel comfortable in divulging. Tell them that you need quiet time or that you need to be alone in your room for a while.

What Can You Do to Help Squash Your Urges and Frustration?

1. Build Support

Not unlike an addiction, child abuse is a pattern often inherited from our own childhoods. There are support groups out there in your community and there might be support in your own family.The cycle can be broken through communication.

2. Take Personal Inventory

Try not to get yourself in situations where you are going to be stressed out. Easier said than done when you're a parent, but you can do some things to alleviate stress, like saying 'no' to volunteer work, or having extra kids over, or doing everything by yourself without help.

3. Find Positive Role Models

The way my mother broke the chain of abuse was to provide herself and my brother and me with positive examples and role models. We did not have a lot of communication with her abusive family, but we had tons with my father's non-abusive family; this became key for our being raised in a more positive environment. Enlist community members and friends to spend time with your children and cultivate friendships with them so that there are more adults in your children's lives.

4. Practice Yoga

This might not be a conventional suggestion, but yoga and conscious breathing can make a difference in staying calm.

5. Have a Positive Outlet

Have somewhere you can put that energy. A hobby? An interest? Gardening? It's often hard to deal with the need to have a physical reaction, so why not channel some of this into exercise or creative expression?

There are many online resources available. Here are some helpful ones: